When you interact and work with other people, you will eventually disagree with someone. Sometimes, the disagreement will be over minor issues that you can easily ignore. Sometimes, however, you will disagree quite strongly about an issue that is vitally important to both sides. It might be about what course of action to take to turn around the company, which candidate to … [Read more...]
That Escalated Quickly: 3 Words Guaranteed to Increase Conflict
I tend to notice how people respond to certain words. I guess that's something of an “occupational hazard” for me. As I watch how people respond, I look for patterns. While tone and body language can often turn minor disagreements into full-on arguments, it's more often the words people use that cause conflicts to grow. So which words are guaranteed to start or escalate a … [Read more...]
The Secret to Success? Focusing on What You CAN Do
As I travel around the country to lead workshops, I often hear frustrations with or objections to some of the supervisory/leadership techniques and approaches that I advocate and teach. I seldom hear an outright disagreement with the general approach. Instead, people express their frustration or objection like this: “That sounds great, but … “I work in the … [Read more...]
When Employees Just Don’t “Get It”
When you have explained something a number of times to the same person or group of people, it is really easy to allow your frustration with the communication process to build. It's a small step from frustration to anger and another small step from anger to an escalating conflict. Other people's failure to understand you generally indicates these possible scenarios: You … [Read more...]
Avoid Unnecessary Conflict With 1 Simple Change
"What religion are you?" The question hung in the air between the two teenagers engaged in a conversation about family rules and expectations. While I do not know this to be true, it appeared to me that they come from families with different expectations and limits. To me, the religion question was asked out of genuine curiosity. I thought that it was just a question … [Read more...]
The Type of Assumption You Should Make
My anger was rising. Every time he spoke, I grew more frustrated and irritated. I could feel my blood pressure rising, my face flushing, my lips tightening, and my shoulders hunching forward. I knew that I was furrowing my brow and that my voice was growing flatter and more menacing with each verbal exchange. While I did not physically fear for my safety, I did feel … [Read more...]
2 Words You’re Probably Not Saying Enough
Today is Memorial Day and we honor the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. We'll attend parades, picnics or other celebrations, as a way to remember and show our gratitude to all the soldiers who died for this great nation and to thank the vets and soldiers still with us for their service. It has me thinking a great deal about saying "Thank you." It … [Read more...]
Hiding the Cheese (and Tearing Down Other Barriers That Make Change Hard)
I often say that facts dictate the need for change, and emotions create the barrier to it. Changing from one way of doing things (behavior) to a different one always involves loss, and loss triggers powerful negative emotions. You must understand and address those negative emotions to successfully influence change. I've often talked about about the power that having a weight … [Read more...]
Don’t Let Negativity Sink Your Ship
Have you ever looked carefully at a ship afloat? What do you notice about the water? As a submarine officer, I had plenty of opportunities to see ships tied to the dock, ships in transit in the harbor and ships in the open sea. All of them have this in common: They are held afloat by the water that is outside the ship. All ships also share this: They all have water inside … [Read more...]
Don’t Shut Down Emotions During Conflicts—If You Want a Quick Resolution
One challenge I see when people, and especially new leaders, attempt to address a conflict is the desire to ignore or minimize the emotional side of it. They attempt to persuade the other party with logic, data and reason, and take the emotion completely out of it. I have been guilty of this error myself, but a few years ago, I had a moment of enlightenment. My wife and I … [Read more...]