medium_3320975158If the topic of office romance stresses you more than your own relationships—should you even acknowledge the relationships? What if the couple’s cutesy nicknames and public displays of affection make everyone else uncomfortable? And how do you deal with the inevitable breakups? You’ll appreciate the advice from this interview with Halley Bock, president and CEO of Fierce Inc., a global leadership development and training company.

Why is office romance an important topic for new managers to consider?

Halley Bock: Office romance is a universal topic for any manager. It needs to be on their radar. Recent studies show that four out of 10 workers will date a co-worker; three out of 10 will marry someone they met at work. All managers need to be aware and prepared, because relationships will be forged. They need to develop policies that set their employees up for success.

Do you think office romances are a bad thing?

Bock: No, not at all. People spend the majority of their time at work. Thirty years ago people might have said it was a bad thing, but I think we’ve begun to accept and even embrace the reality that romantic relationships will happen in the workplace.

What ground rules are important for ensuring that romances don’t disrupt the workplace?

Bock: First there needs to be a written policy coming from the top down to all employees. That crucial communication will include things like the organization’s sexual harassment policy, how claims will be handled, that the organization won’t discriminate by tenure or title and so on. The policy should acknowledge that relationships will happen, but identify specific rules, such as prohibiting managers from dating direct reports.

Individual managers should encourage open, direct communication between themselves and their teams. They should coach employees to think down the line, asking questions such as: “What happens if this ends badly? How will you deal with that?” “Are you prepared for gossip? How will you deal with it?” Managers need to be proactive, as opposed to “in clean up mode” if/when the relationships end.

When should a manager step in?

Bock: Any time that other colleagues are affected—voicing complaints of [too much information] or [public displays of affection], for example—it’s the manager’s job to step in. You can land yourself in court in a sexual harassment lawsuit if you don’t consider that angle.

If the work environment is compromised by unprofessional behavior, the manager should immediately speak to the employees to remind them of the organization’s policies and to ask them to make the choice to behave professionally.

What’s the best way for a manager to handle a soured romance? Should the two employees be placed on separate teams?

Bock: If you’ve communicated well early on, hopefully it won’t have to come to that. Communication is key for any successful relationship—romantic or otherwise; companies and management need to communicate as well.

But when a breakup occurs, the manager should support devastated employees. Ask them: “How do you plan to go forward?” “Are you going to be able to work with the colleague?” “What’s getting in the way of having a professional relationship?” That’s the manager’s priority.

You’ve mentioned a bunch of important “Dos” for handling office romances. What are the most important “Don’ts” for managers with dating employees?

Bock: Don’t “out” the relationship on behalf of the employees. They should decide when and how to tell their colleagues.

Don’t engage in gossip. You will shred any level of trust and sour the work environment—not just with the dating employees, but with all of your employees.

Don’t ask inappropriate questions. Focus on how it affects the workplace. Keep it professional. Model what you expect from your staff: professionalism.

And lastly, don’t stand in the way of relationships. In our experience at Fierce, very few companies—fewer than 15%—have any written policy about office romance. And those that do are unrealistic, demanding none of any kind. But people don’t follow those kinds of rules. In those cases, they just go behind their bosses’ backs. Don’t fool yourself that it’s not going to happen. Don’t set up policies that everyone will fail.

Halley, this is all great advice for managers. Is there anything you want to add before we wrap up?

Bock: I really want to underscore that in all the research we’ve done at Fierce about what makes a good boss or a bad boss in the eyes of an employee, the most important trait of a good boss was the amount of candor and openness in communication. So encourage the conversation with employees. Be open and honest—not just with office romances, but with all matters. That’s what employees are looking for.

Halley Bock, president and CEO of Fierce Inc., is at the forefront of the leadership development and training industry. A popular and engaging public speaker, she regularly presents at industry events worldwide. A prolific writer, Bock has a monthly column in Seattle Business Magazine, contributes regularly to various publications including Training Magazine and Chief Learning Officer, and is sought out as an industry resource for media outlets including Forbes.

[Photo credit: www.flickr.com/photos/skullyfm.]

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