The 10 Questions You Need to Be a Better Listener

Listening is a life skill that we can always improve. When asked if they would like to be a better listener, I’ve never heard anyone answer “No.”

Listening has a big impact on our ability to communicate, create and build relationships, and get things done. It helps us learn. And when done well, listening can save us a lot of time and frustration.

For some (likely far too many), listening is the act of not talking. But to be a highly effective listener, we do need to talk and engage. One of the best ways to engage as a listener is to ask questions.

Today, I am giving you a set of questions you can use to be a better listener. There are seven questions you can use to ask others, and three questions to ponder internally.

7 Questions to Ask Out Loud

Modify these questions and use the appropriate one for conversations:

• "What would make it better?" This question allows the other person to share their viewpoint and take the next step in the conversation.
• “Can you tell me more about that?” One of the most useful questions in the listening starter pack because it encourages the other person to continue. It works in practically all situations.
• "I hear you saying x, do I have that right?" This is a way of paraphrasing to make sure you understand the other person. This is an important question, and there are many different ways to ask it. Find what works best for you because it is essential for understanding and communicating that you understand.
• “What is the most important thing to remember?” Let the other person summarize and show them you really want to understand. This also shows that you want to remember.
• “How can I help?” When asking this question, you must be willing to help in some way. Whether or not you truly can help will be determined partially by the answer.
• “What’s next?” Be careful with your tone with this question. It might signal to the other person that you are bored. What you should be signaling is that you are ready to work on a solution. Remember, intent matters in your delivery.

3 Questions to ask Yourself 

These questions are meant for your internal use. Use them to stay engaged in the conversation and avoid a wandering mind.

• “Do I really understand what they are saying?” This question helps determine your understanding. If you don't understand, it is time to ask some of the seven questions above.
• “What are the non-verbal behaviors saying to me?” People often communicate with much more than just their words. Are you listening with your eyes and ears? Are you getting the full message?
• “How do I show support for them now?” This is a powerful question to ask. And it’s even more valuable when you take action on your answer.

These questions are just a start. When you begin using these questions, you will find your own way of phrasing and your own questions.

Listening is about more than just hearing and understanding the messages being communicated by others. You send back a much bigger and ultimately more important message to others when you truly listen. You communicate that you support and care about the other person. These questions will help you remain mindful of this bigger purpose. Using them will help you listen more effectively.