I often get asked if every conflict can be resolved. Since I work with leaders and teams to resolve workplace conflicts and to build the confidence people have to address conflicts, I think it’s a really good question.

The short answer is: yes, every conflict can be resolved.

The question does have one problem though: It is incomplete. It is incomplete in that people often ask the question with an unspoken assumption about the outcome of the resolution process.

When I add the assumption to the question, it becomes: Can every conflict be resolved and also preserve the relationship? By adding the criteria that the relationship is preserved, the answer often changes from “Yes” to “No.” Sad, possibly a bit harsh, and still true.

The operating definition that I work from for a successful conflict resolution is that the involved parties have come to an agreement about their future behaviors and interactions with regard to each other that ends, or resolves, the conflict. In most situations, reasonable people can reach agreement on how they will interact with each other that both preserves the relationship and resolves the conflict.

Sadly, there are situations where the cost of the agreement exceeds the value that one or the other party (possibly both parties) assign to the relationship. The cost of the agreement can be measured in terms of the  financial, emotional, or physical effort implications of accepting the changed behavior.

When the cost of the changed behavior exceeds the value of the relationship, the relationship will usually end — eventually if not immediately.

Ending the relationship is agreeing to end routine interactions, so it qualifies as an agreement about future behaviors and interactions. Therefore, it would qualify as a conflict resolution. It is not necessarily a happy resolution. It is a resolution.

Can every conflict be resolved? Yes.

Can every conflict be resolved and also preserve the relationship? No.

The best strategy may be to de-escalate conflicts before they hurt the relationship. But how do you do that? Watch this video to find out.

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Guy is our team’s night owl and Kevin’s co-author. He’s thoughtful and deliberate. Guy is our stealth warrior, completing projects that move our team ahead. His speaking and consulting gigs keep him on the road regularly, and he is always happy to return to his family. Guy is a wise and insightful coach, warm and supportive. He’s definitely someone you want to know.

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